Sunday, January 5, 2014

Friendship, Facebook, Fat Fashion, Frumpy, and Hurt Feelings

Soo, I guess the beginning of 2014 is as good a time as any to share something I won't long forget, if ever.

While spending years' worth of my days hiding away from outsiders, especially those who knew me in my heyday, I had finally come to a place to work up the nerve to Force myself to get back out there when reconnecting with those long-lost Friends via Facebook a couple of years back---only to Figure out it was somewhat justified I guess. Don't get me wrong, it was mostly easy to do, as we moved hours away from our Friends and Families just as I had my First baby, and not knowing anyone in this town and working from home, made "hiding" easy.  It didn't matter who saw me out here because they didn't know me, but I've never met anyone out here to go out in public with either.

I had turned down too many invitations in the past from old classmates, so I Figured that I should just suck up my discomfort at getting out there and being seen in my current state and get it over with....or I was running out of actual legitimate excuses to do so once my hubby started working normal hours with weekends off and my business was winding down.  I think it was a combination of both.

With my joining of Facebook, many Friends nearing their Forties were also discovering reconnecting with the long-lost adored ones from our pasts at nearly the same time. So there we all were.  It was very exciting.  I got to reminisce with some, joke around with others, defend myself from spouses who thought that my responses to their husband's messages was me hitting on their husbands, etc.

To the defensive wives all I could think was, "You wouldn't feel that way if you could see me.", and I thought the same thing to the male Friends lavishing uncomfortable compliments and past unshared feelings with me in chats.

I reconnected with a Few long-lost but Found-on-Facebook friends in the real world via a few outings.  Two of those friends had a Falling out.  I tried to stay as objective as possible between the two, considering.  Suddenly, one of the two tells me that the other said some not-so-Flattering things about me.  Yes, they were mad at each other, and that had a little something to do with the Fact that Friend #2 blurted out that Friend #1 said I was FRUMPY and that all I do is complain about being overweight and yet do nothing about it. 

I wondered for only a brief second whether or not it was true because it didn't really matter if they said it if it was the truth.  If it was False, then that would mean that Friend #2 made it up but knew just how to take a jab at me.  I'm pretty sure it was said, however.


It stung.  I shed a couple of tears.  The truth, which starts with a T, hurts.  I hadn't seen either of these Friends in 20 years.  I really didn't know what to make of everything I was hearing regarding the actual disagreement.  That Fact may have bothered one or both of them.

It is False that all I do is complain about being Fat.  What I complain about is not being able to Fix it and not all the time either--more of a Frustration really about all the directions I'm pulled.  There is a difference to me.  I never give up on trying.

The Fact is that I am FRUMPY because I have refused to buy myself, what I call, Fat clothes.  I have, therefore, only received some truly Frumpy clothing gifts from my mother who wishes I would get out of my sweats and leisure-work-out-style wear.  It's nothing I'd buy for myself, but I don't know how to buy for myself at this size because everything looks horrible to me. 

I realize that I would look Frumpy in anything I wore, so that adjective tends to hit a little more personal than it being just a reference to my clothing.

Anybody else ever hear something said about their looks that hurts at 40?

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