The Shock of My Life at Almost Forty-Five!

My birthday is in a couple of days.  Yes, I know I've been off plan for a long time.  I can even admit that I just threw caution to the wind with this "Gonna start back soon." attitude I've been holding onto.  I was just waiting for things to calm back down, and they haven't.  The worst thing I've done is taking back up pop drinking.  I've been drinking at least 40 ounces of pop a day. I didn't even WANT to give it up.  I haven't had any today after what I will affectionately refer to as "Scalegate" this morning. I know the pop drinking is probably the biggest reason my cholesterol numbers were so horrifying as well.

The ONLY reason I went entirely off plan was due to a rash I've had since February 2014.  I could get rid of it, but it kept coming back. I went to an Urgent Care who diagnosed it as a fungal infection and started me on an oral antifungal with a topical.  It went away just in time for my sister's wedding, but it came back the day before! Then I had to wait for an appointment to get established with a new primary care provider.....long story short, I have now seen a dermatologist, but by the time I saw them, the rash was gone and we are now waiting to see if it pops back up with a promise to be worked into the day immediately for an accurate assessment.  I've had to promise not to treat it with anything prior.  I have a few bumps, but nothing that can be assessed. It can't be I guess until it really flares. Soooo, I originally just quit working out/exercising because it seemed to exacerbate the rash, but slowly and surely, the diet was ditched entirely too. So here I am AGAIN today. With this promise of getting me in pronto, I am going to begin exercising again. 

My husband bought me a video camera that I can use to document my journey for my birthday and gave it to me early to see if I could Figure it out so he could either exchange it or take it back before my birthday, so I decided to play with it this morning. Oh, the Freaking Horror!

I expected to have gained a Few pounds over the last Few months, but not THIS much!  I've never seen the scale so high.  I went to the doctor last month and it wasn't that bad.  I know my scale differs from their scale, but it goes down with weight loss and that is all I really care about.  I was still shocked.

Here is my First weigh-in video.  It's in the basement, so the lighting is horrible.  It's an old doctor's scale that is much too large to put anywhere up in the main living space.  I should probably just buy a new digital scale, but this still works. Bear with me as I learn how to operate it and learn how to edit the videos for sharing. One day, I'll even videotape myself and have a big reveal.  I just need to have a Few pep talks with myself about not caring whether or not people I know run across my blog or videos.

My daughter joined cheerleading for her high school.  I can't believe the prison I've been in since she has.  We've spent over a thousand dollars on her participation, and the time! Oh my word. It's horrible, and I truly can't believe they do this to kids.  I think she has an egomaniac for a coach, but I'm not allowed to say anything because she loves this.  I don't want to since she loves it so much and is so dedicated.

This woman insists people, and the girls, call her by a nickname I assume she had as a premarried teen herself, and she even wants them to refer to her by this nickname when she is serving as their teacher in the classroom.  To top it off, she is so in love with her maiden name, she named her baby this maiden name. Let go sister. Move on.  I wouldn't dare insist people call me the nickname they had for me in high school that was related to my maiden name like she is.  They still do, of course, whenever I run into someone, so why isn't that good enough for her? They've worked these girls until they've puked.  This past summer was the First summer I wasn't even able to drive 1.5 hours to visit my mother because the egomaniac held practices in the morning and training of some sort or another in the afternoon.  My daughter was only 14 and can't drive herself, so guess whose life it has taken over and dictated? Mine.

I wish upon her something like a mother's curse....i.e., I hope you have three to Five children, and you all enjoy sleeping in once in a while and no longer can or need to see a doctor but it conflicts with a stupid coach's schedule, and I wish you tons of stress lady. My favorite is that she had scheduled meets and practices on Freaking Christmas Break and snow days! To me, she is a sick puppy.

I worry about my daughter because on school days, she is getting up at 5:45 a.m. and going some days until 7:30 p.m. I'll support her as long as she is happy, but based on the Fact that the whole varsity team quit and the things she is sharing with me, I'm hoping this is a sign for her to choose either sideline or competitive and not both next year. I keep that to myself, however, because I want to be supportive of her.

She has told me this woman badmouths the people that "can't hack it" and quit to all of the other remaining girls.  How unprofessional, immature, and desperate of her.  I explained to my daughter that when one or more people have had enough and they walk off, they're making a statement and that this coach knows it. I explained that this coach is completely aware that this movement can spread like a virus and out of desperation is trying to bully the remaining girls psychologically into staying.  We'll see how it all pans out.  I'm not happy.

I guess this is another sacrifice-myself-for-my-children epiphany after typing this, huh?

Freakin' Word Games Bitches!: Are You "Fat"?

I can not stand word games.  I can not stand perpetually offended people.  I also can not stand people who search for things to be angry about, and the use of the word Fat is one of them.

As many people have read today, Target is taking some heat for labeling it's plus-size costumes Fat Girl Costumes.

C'mon ladies. Fat is fat. We need to Freakin' own it. I'm obese, and while the word Feels way worse than Fat, I know it's true. I just do not like to hear people say it about me.  I've heard that people have said I am Fat and Frumpy--Ouch!  It stung. I am not going to lie, but it IS true.  That saying, "The truth hurts." comes to mind, and that is true.  Because of my weight, I do not buy nice clothes.  I bum around all of the time.  I panic when I am invited to a social gathering trying to Figure out if I can even Find anything to wear, and it kills me to spend the money on those clothes that I do not plan on being able to wear Forever.


The word "Fat" can be either an adjective, a noun, and sometimes a verb (fatting).  I am going to Focus on the adjective.  The definition is:  (of a person or animal) having a large amount of excess Flesh.  The definition of "Flesh" is: the soft substance consisting of muscle and fat that is found between the skin and bones of an animal or a human.

I also Feel it is important to list some synonyms to the word "Fat," which include plump, stout, overweight, large, chubby, portly, flabby, paunchy, potbellied, beer-bellied, meaty, of ample proportions, heavyset, obese, corpulent, fleshy, gross, plus-sized, big-boned, tubby, roly-poly, well upholstered, beefy, porky, blubbery, chunky, and pudgy. 

Even the word gross can be misconstrued because it is used a lot in medical reports as an adjective in numerous ways. 

The actual word, Fat, as well as its synonyms, when used in a pejorative way, are wrong, but how is labeling costumes that Fit Fat girls as Fat Girl Costumes, pejorative, or insulting, in any way?  I don't even think it is insensitive when seeing what the actual definition of the word is.  It is what it is.  How is the use of "Plus-Sized" ANY different? It means the same thing!  

According to the definition, can you now be "skinny" with excess "Flesh?" You betchyer rolls you can, but chances are you are still wearing larger clothes because of that excess "Flesh" than you would be without it. Technically, I guess you are still "Fat," depending on what the makeup of that "soft substance consisting of muscle and fat" is between the skin and the bones. 

It's an adjective, just like blonde, tall, short, black, brown, pasty, and white can be.

I've also recently read a rant by someone online trying to tell people that Meghan Trainor's All About That Bass song is body shaming the "other side" of the weight spectrum with it's use of "Skinny Bitches."  Let's be clear here regarding the lyrics, that portion of the song clearly says "I'm bringin' booty back.  Go 'head and tell them skinny bitches that. NAW, I'M JES PLAYIN'."  So, I'm sitting here wondering how in the freakin' world people get upset about the word skinny, and when paired with the word "BITCHES", calls it body shaming, while completely ignoring the "Naw I'm jes playin'" part that immediately follows it. 

Yup, you read that right.  Out of the phrase "skinny bitches," it's been determined that the word skinny is body shaming--that's it. Nothing else wrong with that phrase at all.  It cracks me up.  "BITCHES." hahahaha

These people must have never used the word "bitches" before with their girlfriends or in humorous settings for a laugh.  Nobody is running around yelling about the Female population being referred to as "bitches" from what I have seen.  Some people may not Find the use of "bitches" Funny at all, but some people do.  Deal with it.

I, myself, may have or might in the future (can not say for certain) say something along the line of "We pasty bitches...." as I Frequently make fun of the almost Fluorescent color of my skin near the end of winter and it's perceived ability to actually reflect light, or ".....those tan bitches" for a laugh assuming everyone knows I am still making Fun of myself.  I could see a statement like "I'm bringin' pasty back and you can tell them tan bitches that." rolling right off my tongue in a certain moment of conversation. Again, deal with it. I may have used it once and have outgrown actually using "bitches" in sentences. I do not know, as I do not get out much. I know I have not outgrown the word "Freakin'" yet. Deal with it.

Do you have excess "Flesh" like I do?  Do you Fit the definition of the word "Fat" like I do? Then Freakin' own it ladies.  The world isn't here to make you Feel good or to protect your sensibilities, and if that isn't obvious in today's day and age, then, well.....--that is up to you, and I, alone.

Are you "thin" or "skinny?" As in, do you Fit into the actual Freakin' definition? Then Freakin' own that too. As the saying goes, if the shoe Fits...

Whatever you do, please, oh please, do not try to say the song above body shames anybody when that word is paired with the word "bitches." It is ridiculous.

And, Finally, you MUST know that people like me are out here listening to you and, at the very least, thinking "Reach much?"

Moving Forward with a New Health Twist-High Cholesterol

So a couple of weeks back, my new primary care physician ordered lab work which revealed extremely high cholesterol numbers.  She wants me to start a low-dose statin.  If you know anything about statins, they are scary. Some people suffer from rhabdomiolysis, which is scary, and can be damaging, stuff. I asked her if I could do what I know thousands of other doctors agree to with thousands of other patients, and that is to buckle down and make some lifestyle changes that we all know DO affect our cholesterol numbers, and check the numbers again in 30 days.  She still wants me to start them saying she just wants to see how I react to the medicine (as in have one of those terrible side effects). She said that if I've dropped around 10 pounds in 30 days, she'll agree to trying off of them.  Because I know I can drop 10 pounds in the next 30 days, I'm not even going to start them.

Rhabdomiolysis is the breakdown of muscle tissue that leads to the release of muscle fiber contents into the blood. These substances are harmful to the kidney and often cause kidney damage. Some people are reported to have never regained their strength or coordination.

The other issue that scares the wits out of me with taking statins is the development of diabetes.  I've done a lot of reading of late on metabolic syndrome and insulin resistance, and while I'm self diagnosing here, I fit the bill. The biggest reason I worry about the development of diabetes is because my number in this area of the lab work was what she referred to as "borderline."  My result was 1 digit beyond the normal range, so taking something that will raise my blood sugar....well, it stands to reason I run a higher risk of this side effect. The other factor is a raised likelihood after menopause, and if you've been following my blog, you know I entered early menopause at the age of 40.

More minor, yet worrisome side effects that I've convinced myself I would definitely suffer from should I take a statin is the "flushing" and rashes.  Everything that happens to me shows up in my skin and has since I was an infant. The Flushing.....like the hot Flashes aren't unbearable enough?! No thank you. 

I don't expect my physician to make the connection between the metabolic syndrome, the insulin resistance, and the high cholesterol for me because she didn't even do a complete review of systems on me.  Put it this way, having worked in the medical reports field for many years, I know what systems she should have covered on me during my initial new-patient-physical exam and in what order, which she didn't. There are things about me she yet does not even know! THAT's scary. Yay, electronic medical records that distract my doctor so much she can't be efficient. Welcome to the new normal.  

Basically, I want to watch my sugar, as well as my cholesterol, intake while dieting. Buh-bye occasional biscuits and gravy, pop, and gyros, even if my Weight Watchers plan allows them via the points system.

As it turns out, my Grinch Smoothie, or green smoothie, should be excellent for people with high cholesterol.  Every single ingredient in it is said to help cholesterol numbers, so this is a good thing.

Grinch Smoothie Ingredients and Their Benefits: (Research yourself for TONS of information not included here)

• Green apples: Don't peel your apples because apples have both types of fiber, so the combination of an apple's pectin works with the phenolics in its skin to lower your plasma cholesterol and triglycerides. Some foods actually bind to the cholesterol in your system and help remove it so that your body absorbs less of it. Higher absorption leaves less cholesterol to accumulate in your arteries. This is why eating whole fruit can be more beneficial than eating processed fruit products or taking fruit extract supplements.
• Avocados: Contain a healthy type of unsaturated fat known to lower cholesterol, monounsaturated fats (oleic acid), which are known to promote heart health by boosting the good cholesterol and lowering the bad cholesterol. Monounsaturated fats can help lower your cholesterol, according to the American Heart Association. It is said we should aim to consume between 25 to 35 percent of our daily calories from fats of the unsaturated type. They are also high in fiber and beta-sitosterol, a plant chemical, said to help keep cholesterol in check. (I'll have to try this myself, but apparently avocado pits are the latest raw foodie craze and are said to be wonderful for you, period, including lowering cholesterol numbers. It is said you can blend one up into a powder....must need a monster processor I'm thinking. lol) 
• Bananas: A good source of dietary fiber, which can help reduce your low-density lipoprotein – LDL or “bad” cholesterol via the soluble fiber. Soluble fiber helps slow the absorption of cholesterol and sugar in your bloodstream, reducing LDL cholesterol and blood glucose levels. Adding fiber to your diet may also help you lose weight, which can help you lower your cholesterol and blood pressure naturally.
• Honey:  Small studies have suggested that honey benefits patients with high cholesterol concentrations. A University of Pittsburgh Medical Center study says that 1 to 5 tbsp. of honey two or three times per day can lower your cholesterol. A study by N. S. Al-Waili found that taking these amounts of honey daily improved blood-sugar control and cholesterol profiles in people with diabetes and high cholesterol, according to a 2004 issue of the "Journal of Medicinal Food." Honey has emerged as a healthy, non-drug option to help reduce cholesterol numbers. Two separate studies conducted on the effects of honey on cholesterol came up with similar conclusions. A study published in “The Scientific World Journal” had participants who consumed 70g of honey for 30 days. The test group showed a reduction of total cholesterol by 3 percent, while a similar study published in the “Journal of Medicinal Food” showed a reduction in total cholesterol of 8 percent.
• Spinach: Contains lots of lutein, the sunshine-yellow pigment found in dark green leafy vegetables and egg yolks. Now research suggests that just a 1/2 cup of a lutein-rich food daily also guards against heart attacks by helping artery walls "shrug off" cholesterol invaders that cause clogging. Spinach is the richest source of lutein. Shoot for a ½ cup a day.
• Flax meal:  Researchers set out to see how flax seed products affected cholesterol and triglyceride levels. Combing through 28 existing, peer-reviewed studies on flax, they found that use of flax seed, not flax seed oil, lowered levels of LDL (bad) cholesterol, generally without altering HDL (good) cholesterol levels. The cholesterol-lowering effects, which ranged from about 10 to 20 percent, were most apparent in women, particularly postmenopausal women with high cholesterol to begin with. Flax seeds are a rich source of alpha-linolenic acid, which is a plant-derived type of omega-3 fats that have been shown to lower LDL cholesterol, as well as triglyceride levels. One study found that 100 mg daily of flax seed lignan can be effective at reducing blood cholesterol levels in men with moderately high cholesterol levels. Another small study of 40 patients with high cholesterol levels were told to take 20 grams of ground flax seed daily in which those receiving the flax seed did just as well as those given the statin drugs in the study. These are, like avocados, high in soluble fiber which can prevent the actual absorption of cholesterol within the body.
• Almond milk (or soy milk or rice milk): All three are said to be good options for people with high cholesterol. Almond milk is low in sodium and high in healthy fats (such as omega fatty acids typically found in fish), which helps to prevent heart disease. Almond milk contains monounsaturated fat that may help lower bad cholesterol levels. Because it comes from plants, there's no saturated fat or cholesterol and it is loaded with vitamins E and B12. This milk replacement option is said to be a "definite do."  The proteins in soy milk may actually reduce cholesterol as well. The proteins in soy milk may help to decrease LDL cholesterol and increase HDL cholesterol. A study published in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition compared soy milk with dairy milk in 28 people aged 30 to 65. The participants had to drink enough cow milk or soy milk daily for 12 weeks to consume 25 grams of protein each day. At the end of the study, the LDL cholesterol was 5 percent lower for the soy milk group than the cow milk group. This milk replacement option is also said to be a "definite do." Rice milk contains healthy vegetable oils like canola or safflower oil. Rice milk is a vegetable-based milk replacement option because there are no saturated fats. Calorically, it is similar to almond milk. Some types of rice milk have been enriched with sterols or stanols, a vegetable "cousin" of cholesterol, and studies have shown that sterols or stanols compete with animal cholesterol for absorption and can lower both the total and bad cholesterol numbers. It is said to be a "definite do" also for people with high cholesterol.
  
  A 2010 study, published in Nutrition Research, found that daily administration of 100mg of flaxseed lignan, can be effective at reducing blood cholesterol levels, in men with a moderately high cholesterol level.
  
  
  

  Another small study, involving 40 patients with high cholesterol levels, were instructed to take 20 grams of ground flax seed per day. When the results were compared to the group taking a statin drugs, those receiving flax seed did just as well as those given statin drugs.

  
  

  
  Flax seeds also contain both insoluble and soluble fiber. Soluble fiber is thought to aid in lowering cholesterol, by preventing the absorption of cholesterol within the body.
  - See more at: http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/c/822/134801/cholesterol/#sthash.cr3hPz9L.dpuf
  Flax seeds are a rich source of alpha-linolenic acid. This is the plant-derived type of omega-3 fats, which has been shown to lower LDL cholesterol, as well as triglycerides levels.
  
  A 2010 study, published in Nutrition Research, found that daily administration of 100mg of flaxseed lignan, can be effective at reducing blood cholesterol levels, in men with a moderately high cholesterol level.
  
  
  

  Another small study, involving 40 patients with high cholesterol levels, were instructed to take 20 grams of ground flax seed per day. When the results were compared to the group taking a statin drugs, those receiving flax seed did just as well as those given statin drugs.

  
  

  
  Flax seeds also contain both insoluble and soluble fiber. Soluble fiber is thought to aid in lowering cholesterol, by preventing the absorption of cholesterol within the body.
  - See more at: http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/c/822/134801/cholesterol/#sthash.cr3hPz9L.dpuf
  Flax seeds are a rich source of alpha-linolenic acid. This is the plant-derived type of omega-3 fats, which has been shown to lower LDL cholesterol, as well as triglycerides levels.
  
  A 2010 study, published in Nutrition Research, found that daily administration of 100mg of flaxseed lignan, can be effective at reducing blood cholesterol levels, in men with a moderately high cholesterol level.
  
  
  

  Another small study, involving 40 patients with high cholesterol levels, were instructed to take 20 grams of ground flax seed per day. When the results were compared to the group taking a statin drugs, those receiving flax seed did just as well as those given statin drugs.

  
  

  
  Flax seeds also contain both insoluble and soluble fiber. Soluble fiber is thought to aid in lowering cholesterol, by preventing the absorption of cholesterol within the body.
  - See more at: http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/c/822/134801/cholesterol/#sthash.cr3hPz9L.dpuf

I'm actually pretty disgusted that my primary care provider can't help educate me on what it is I need to do, other than take a medication. It's shameful in my opinion.

Seeing how I never ate breakfast or lunch in the first place, all I need to do is force myself to have a daily breakfast, which I plan to do with this yummy smoothie with the above ingredients, eat oatmeal daily for 3 to 4 Weight Watchers points for lunch, and pay attention to the amount of cholesterol, saturated fats, and sugar in my dinners overall. I also need to get in at least 30 minutes of cardio each and every single day, which I have been doing.  I've also started walking 2.5 miles each night, weather permitting.

The other two things I know are also good for lowering cholesterol are my Favorite Amy's Lentil Soup and green tea. I'll let you look up the cholesterol-lowering properties of these items. I plan to go through my recipe section and mark things that I find are in fact good for lowering cholesterol. I hope this information helps someone else looking for a quick meal-replacement-type of smoothie that is actually good for people with high cholesterol.

(I am not a doctor, and the information in this post is based on my own, nonmedically-guided online research. Please, if YOUR insurance covers a consult with a nutritionist check there, as I am still trying to Figure out if I can get mine to cover a consult with one.) 

THOSE People - You Aren't Me and I'm Not You

This post is more of a vent.  I'm not sure why I Feel the need to vent right now, as I learned early on that nobody understood what I did for my job in my work-at-home position. How can they understand it now that I am no longer doing that one and am transitioning into another?  I know I should be able to just ignore it being secure in myself and the way I handle(d) it because if I can say I juggled it all to the best of my ability, then it's all good and I have no regrets. I'm the main person who paid a price for the chaos and sacrifices made, as evidenced by my new lovely Freakin' Figure. Nobody else is the wiser--a sign of doing it well, but also for being misunderstood and taken for granted because it was seamless for them.

THOSE people.....I can't stand 'em. I can't stand people who Feel the need to share their thinly veiled criticisms of another's life as if they DO understand it despite not having anywhere near the same demands on time because of it nor the same level of sacrifice.  They don't have even a smidgeon of an inkling of how Family dynamics change with the changes Forced upon others.

For example, if you are a stay-at-home mom, you better just KNOW never to call a work-at-home mom one. If you didn't know that, you do now.  If you've never worked from home, then don't THINK you know what a work-at-home mom has to go through because you're a stay-at-home mom or because you're simply a working mom with a job outside of the home because you do NOT. If you've never had to take your work and laptop with you on every Family vacation you've ever taken, couldn't go on a Family outing on said vacations until the work load had arrived for the day and had been distributed after an unspecified amount of time waiting, pulled all-nighters to get said work done while the rest of the Family and world are sleeping and continuing on the next day(s) on 4 hours of sleep for years, pulled out your laptop to work in the hospital bed in which you are lying for recovery to actually work within hours of giving birth and continued on afterward as if you just hadn't, nor tried to produce work through sibling squabbles for a deadline, then you best just keep your opinion to yourself and your mouth shut. If you aren't holding the exact same position doing exactly the same thing as another with the exact same itineraries, etc., you know NOTHING. Don't ever assume you KNOW anything whether you are both working moms, stay-at-home moms, or work-at-home moms.

Here's a novel idea, how 'bout you just learn to recognize that your life is the life of no other and help problem solve a challenging situation another just shared with you. Children and spouses of women in each situation are different as well having learned to thrive, survive, and grow in the unique chaos each situation presents.  It's been my experience that children and spouses of stay-at-home moms place more responsibility and demands on moms than those of working moms whose spare time is spread thinner.  When there is a shift in the dynamics, there can be a huge adjustment period for the entire household, and it isn't always perfect or pretty because there are more factors in play for that transition than just "mom" and/or her abilities. 

I swear, the next time someone says, "Well, I'm a stay-at-home mom, and that's my job because my husband is out working all day." or "Other moms who work all day can manage it," I'm gonna lose it. It is not the same, nowhere NEAR the same. I've done all three throughout my life so far, so unlike most, I AM Fully qualified to speak about it and not just THINK I know how it is.  In fact, if you want to vent about your full-time or part-time working demands and motherhood, I'm here to listen and share problem-solving solutions if I have any for you; if you are a work-at-home mother or a stay-at-home mother, I'm here for you too and will do the same.  If I don't have anything productive to share with you, I'll just be a sympathetic and understanding ear to bend. Simple.

I already feel better having written this and no longer feel a need to rant. I love it. I can skip ahead and leave out all the boring details of the conversation I had with one of THOSE people this morning to the part about how it ties into weight loss journies.  It's the same thing.  Just because YOU can manage to work out, it's wrong to assume you know why someone else can't.  In fact, it's very simpleminded of you to criticize another for not being able to, to assume they aren't actively trying to find their way, that's it's just not as simple for them because they aren't YOU.  Everyone has different capacities for organization, stress, time management, and frustrations to the point of just having it being more simple to shut down.

Having someone say to you, "C'mon, we're Fat because we eat too much." is maddening when you don't eat too much.  I can list the reasons why I'm Fat, as I have in this post, and none of the reasons are overeating.

Stop it, everyone. Know what you are saying, whether you are saying it innocently or not. Just listen. Offer help or advice if you Feel it is warranted or wanted. Recognize when someone is venting or frustrated, but more importantly recognize they are doing so BECAUSE of their limitations. How it isn't obvious that frustration is a direct result of a perceived obstacle, difficulty, or challenge, is beyond me, but apparently not so for others. Stop Failing to recognize that your life is exactly that, only yours and not the life of anybody else and absolutely nobody can compare the unique dynamics of your family to theirs, and you should never be comparing theirs to yours. 

A Fantastic Treat for 5 Weight Watchers Points - A Fab Grab Option

I stumbled upon this Muller yogurt Fab Grab because I had a coupon for it that I paired up with a sale to get each one for just under a dollar at $0.99 each. Once I tried it, I felt like I was eating a dessert!

If you're like me and don't actually like Greek yogurt and need to add a bit of honey to lessen the tartness of it, then this would be 1 more point for a total of 6 points.

Diagnosis and The Big O

The big Freakin' Fat O word.  No, not that one. Get yer mind outta the gutter. Obesity. OBESITY. O-B-E-S-I-T-Y. It was listed under the diagnosis section of my doctor's visit today.

Today was my First family medicine doctor visit for a physical in 5 years.  I mentioned in the past, some Female issues I had to Follow-up the last Few years and my back issue, but to see it right there in print. Sigh.

I know my use of the word Fat bothers some people, and while I like to say that I call it 'it as I see it, the word "obese" bothers me.  It brings to mind "beast." It feels like a more shameful word to me for some reason.  It makes me Feel like a glutton, a slouch, a louse, and a Failure.

How does this particular big Fat O word make you Feel?

Scratch that Week

I was so excited to restart watching my diet, and then I had 3 nephews join my 3 for some cousin Fun for Four days.

I actually Feel like I gained weight and have therefore not weighed myself.  What's the point when you KNOW there's no good news?

I know this wouldn't derail most Folks, but my Family had put Fun on the backburner all summer long to refinish the house for a party I hosted last week.  We haven't really had a summer vacation as a Family, so I Figured let's do some Fun stuff with the extended Family here and really make some memories.  So, that's precisely what we did, but that meant making huge batches of quick things to eat on the run for 8.  I had an assembly line most meals, and these teenage boys ate it as I made it, and if they wanted seconds, then I just kept going, and then we'd jump in the car and do something Fun.  The most "interesting" part was trying to ensure everyone got their teeth brushed and showered with one bathroom.

I won't bore you with what I Fixed, but think hoagies, pizza, etc. I did put salads on the table, and while the Fruits were slightly touched by the kids, the veggies were not.

We had a ball, and I don't regret it, but I wish I was a few pounds lighter a week sooner than starting over tomorrow.  I'll get there. I'm determined to.

One thing I noticed in all this chaos is that my husband took off to go jogging a couple of times.  Isn't that nice how they get to do that?  Why can't I do that?  I don't know.  It started me thinking that while I hate working out in public amongst others and in public gyms, maybe I need to bite the bullet and my hangups about it and just do that.  I can't seem to make that time with all the other demands put upon me. He just takes the time.  I do have to say that if things aren't just so, like the dishes done or the house too messy, I have to hear him sighing.  Don't get me wrong, he's a great husband who does housework, but I have this problem of detecting his Frustrations via those sighs and Feeling badly that he's Frustrated at all, which prevents me from taking that time for myself.