Wednesday, September 10, 2014

THOSE People - You Aren't Me and I'm Not You


This post is more of a vent.  I'm not sure why I Feel the need to vent right now, as I learned early on that nobody understood what I did for my job in my work-at-home position. How can they understand it now that I am no longer doing that one and am transitioning into another?  I know I should be able to just ignore it being secure in myself and the way I handle(d) it because if I can say I juggled it all to the best of my ability, then it's all good and I have no regrets. I'm the main person who paid a price for the chaos and sacrifices made, as evidenced by my new lovely Freakin' Figure. Nobody else is the wiser--a sign of doing it well, but also for being misunderstood and taken for granted because it was seamless for them.


THOSE people.....I can't stand 'em. I can't stand people who Feel the need to share their thinly veiled criticisms of another's life as if they DO understand it despite not having anywhere near the same demands on time because of it nor the same level of sacrifice.  They don't have even a smidgeon of an inkling of how Family dynamics change with the changes Forced upon others.

For example, if you are a stay-at-home mom, you better just KNOW never to call a work-at-home mom one. If you didn't know that, you do now.  If you've never worked from home, then don't THINK you know what a work-at-home mom has to go through because you're a stay-at-home mom or because you're simply a working mom with a job outside of the home because you do NOT. If you've never had to take your work and laptop with you on every Family vacation you've ever taken, couldn't go on a Family outing on said vacations until the work load had arrived for the day and had been distributed after an unspecified amount of time waiting, pulled all-nighters to get said work done while the rest of the Family and world are sleeping and continuing on the next day(s) on 4 hours of sleep for years, pulled out your laptop to work in the hospital bed in which you are lying for recovery to actually work within hours of giving birth and continued on afterward as if you just hadn't, nor tried to produce work through sibling squabbles for a deadline, then you best just keep your opinion to yourself and your mouth shut. If you aren't holding the exact same position doing exactly the same thing as another with the exact same itineraries, etc., you know NOTHING. Don't ever assume you KNOW anything whether you are both working moms, stay-at-home moms, or work-at-home moms.


Here's a novel idea, how 'bout you just learn to recognize that your life is the life of no other and help problem solve a challenging situation another just shared with you. Children and spouses of women in each situation are different as well having learned to thrive, survive, and grow in the unique chaos each situation presents.  It's been my experience that children and spouses of stay-at-home moms place more responsibility and demands on moms than those of working moms whose spare time is spread thinner.  When there is a shift in the dynamics, there can be a huge adjustment period for the entire household, and it isn't always perfect or pretty because there are more factors in play for that transition than just "mom" and/or her abilities. 


I swear, the next time someone says, "Well, I'm a stay-at-home mom, and that's my job because my husband is out working all day." or "Other moms who work all day can manage it," I'm gonna lose it. It is not the same, nowhere NEAR the same. I've done all three throughout my life so far, so unlike most, I AM Fully qualified to speak about it and not just THINK I know how it is.  In fact, if you want to vent about your full-time or part-time working demands and motherhood, I'm here to listen and share problem-solving solutions if I have any for you; if you are a work-at-home mother or a stay-at-home mother, I'm here for you too and will do the same.  If I don't have anything productive to share with you, I'll just be a sympathetic and understanding ear to bend. Simple.

I already feel better having written this and no longer feel a need to rant. I love it. I can skip ahead and leave out all the boring details of the conversation I had with one of THOSE people this morning to the part about how it ties into weight loss journies.  It's the same thing.  Just because YOU can manage to work out, it's wrong to assume you know why someone else can't.  In fact, it's very simpleminded of you to criticize another for not being able to, to assume they aren't actively trying to find their way, that's it's just not as simple for them because they aren't YOU.  Everyone has different capacities for organization, stress, time management, and frustrations to the point of just having it being more simple to shut down.

Having someone say to you, "C'mon, we're Fat because we eat too much." is maddening when you don't eat too much.  I can list the reasons why I'm Fat, as I have in this post, and none of the reasons are overeating.



Stop it, everyone. Know what you are saying, whether you are saying it innocently or not. Just listen. Offer help or advice if you Feel it is warranted or wanted. Recognize when someone is venting or frustrated, but more importantly recognize they are doing so BECAUSE of their limitations. How it isn't obvious that frustration is a direct result of a perceived obstacle, difficulty, or challenge, is beyond me, but apparently not so for others. Stop Failing to recognize that your life is exactly that, only yours and not the life of anybody else and absolutely nobody can compare the unique dynamics of your family to theirs, and you should never be comparing theirs to yours. 



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