The Shock of My Life at Almost Forty-Five!

My birthday is in a couple of days.  Yes, I know I've been off plan for a long time.  I can even admit that I just threw caution to the wind with this "Gonna start back soon." attitude I've been holding onto.  I was just waiting for things to calm back down, and they haven't.  The worst thing I've done is taking back up pop drinking.  I've been drinking at least 40 ounces of pop a day. I didn't even WANT to give it up.  I haven't had any today after what I will affectionately refer to as "Scalegate" this morning. I know the pop drinking is probably the biggest reason my cholesterol numbers were so horrifying as well.

The ONLY reason I went entirely off plan was due to a rash I've had since February 2014.  I could get rid of it, but it kept coming back. I went to an Urgent Care who diagnosed it as a fungal infection and started me on an oral antifungal with a topical.  It went away just in time for my sister's wedding, but it came back the day before! Then I had to wait for an appointment to get established with a new primary care provider.....long story short, I have now seen a dermatologist, but by the time I saw them, the rash was gone and we are now waiting to see if it pops back up with a promise to be worked into the day immediately for an accurate assessment.  I've had to promise not to treat it with anything prior.  I have a few bumps, but nothing that can be assessed. It can't be I guess until it really flares. Soooo, I originally just quit working out/exercising because it seemed to exacerbate the rash, but slowly and surely, the diet was ditched entirely too. So here I am AGAIN today. With this promise of getting me in pronto, I am going to begin exercising again. 

My husband bought me a video camera that I can use to document my journey for my birthday and gave it to me early to see if I could Figure it out so he could either exchange it or take it back before my birthday, so I decided to play with it this morning. Oh, the Freaking Horror!

I expected to have gained a Few pounds over the last Few months, but not THIS much!  I've never seen the scale so high.  I went to the doctor last month and it wasn't that bad.  I know my scale differs from their scale, but it goes down with weight loss and that is all I really care about.  I was still shocked.

Here is my First weigh-in video.  It's in the basement, so the lighting is horrible.  It's an old doctor's scale that is much too large to put anywhere up in the main living space.  I should probably just buy a new digital scale, but this still works. Bear with me as I learn how to operate it and learn how to edit the videos for sharing. One day, I'll even videotape myself and have a big reveal.  I just need to have a Few pep talks with myself about not caring whether or not people I know run across my blog or videos.

My daughter joined cheerleading for her high school.  I can't believe the prison I've been in since she has.  We've spent over a thousand dollars on her participation, and the time! Oh my word. It's horrible, and I truly can't believe they do this to kids.  I think she has an egomaniac for a coach, but I'm not allowed to say anything because she loves this.  I don't want to since she loves it so much and is so dedicated.

This woman insists people, and the girls, call her by a nickname I assume she had as a premarried teen herself, and she even wants them to refer to her by this nickname when she is serving as their teacher in the classroom.  To top it off, she is so in love with her maiden name, she named her baby this maiden name. Let go sister. Move on.  I wouldn't dare insist people call me the nickname they had for me in high school that was related to my maiden name like she is.  They still do, of course, whenever I run into someone, so why isn't that good enough for her? They've worked these girls until they've puked.  This past summer was the First summer I wasn't even able to drive 1.5 hours to visit my mother because the egomaniac held practices in the morning and training of some sort or another in the afternoon.  My daughter was only 14 and can't drive herself, so guess whose life it has taken over and dictated? Mine.

I wish upon her something like a mother's curse....i.e., I hope you have three to Five children, and you all enjoy sleeping in once in a while and no longer can or need to see a doctor but it conflicts with a stupid coach's schedule, and I wish you tons of stress lady. My favorite is that she had scheduled meets and practices on Freaking Christmas Break and snow days! To me, she is a sick puppy.

I worry about my daughter because on school days, she is getting up at 5:45 a.m. and going some days until 7:30 p.m. I'll support her as long as she is happy, but based on the Fact that the whole varsity team quit and the things she is sharing with me, I'm hoping this is a sign for her to choose either sideline or competitive and not both next year. I keep that to myself, however, because I want to be supportive of her.

She has told me this woman badmouths the people that "can't hack it" and quit to all of the other remaining girls.  How unprofessional, immature, and desperate of her.  I explained to my daughter that when one or more people have had enough and they walk off, they're making a statement and that this coach knows it. I explained that this coach is completely aware that this movement can spread like a virus and out of desperation is trying to bully the remaining girls psychologically into staying.  We'll see how it all pans out.  I'm not happy.

I guess this is another sacrifice-myself-for-my-children epiphany after typing this, huh?

Official Restart Day!

Turns out I gained some weight back....about 9 pounds. Here we go.  

"Honey, Remember When....?"

So I joined a Diet Bet at the beginning of the month.  Actually, two of them.  I had to put aside my horror at having to provide somebody O-N-L-I-N-E photo proof of my weight, which was me standing on a scale in what they refer to as "airport security attire."  Eeek.  What was worse than that?  It was asking my hubby to take that picture for me since we have a doctor's scale.

I told him he had to stand as far back as possible in the laundry room where we would be doing this and I would zoom in on the picture later so the judges could see the weight.  He sighed and said, "Babe, I S-E-E you."  That was to let me know that I could not hide from my Fatness.

So here's the Funny part.  I said, "Honey, I know you S-E-E me, but remember when I weighed 150 and you always guessed me at about 120 and never believed me?  Yeah, I'm kinda hoping we're still there."  We both cracked up.

I asked him what he would guess I weighed in that moment, and he guessed I weighed 0.75 pounds HEAVIER but still pretty darned accurate.

Okay, so that handy little optical illusion I used to present was no longer. Sigh.  Getting old rots, but being married to your best Friend rocks.

Forgot!

I forgot to weigh in for my starting over.  I'm going to use the weigh-in I used for the two Diet Bets I joined last week, which was 229.25 (they round up on that site though). EEEEK! That's a huge gain from where I left off prior to trying that anti-depressant for hot flashes. That freakin' sucks.

Official Start Day!

School started today, so I spent the half day alone getting my ducks in a row.  I'm recreating a journal-style notebook like I used to use when doing Weight Watchers.

Today I weighed in at 222 pounds.  I ended my dieting round last fall 14 pounds lighter.  I'm going to look at the positive and focus on the fact that I'm still 8 pounds lighter than when I started that adventure following no plan and drinking too much pop.  I weigh only 1/4 pound more than I did in May 2012 too.  No need to beat myself up now.

As you can see in my journal, I like to see what the calories and cholesterol contents are specifically.  It is no coincidence that when I'm on plan, that the calories and cholesterol totals are reasonable. It's kind of pointless to write them down, so I don't always, but when I do, it's actually more positive reinforcement that I'm getting healthier.  It also reminds me that this is not only about the number on the scale. Fit is the operative F word on this journey for me.

For breakfast, I had a banana bread mini muffin and some orange juice (Have never been a big breakfast girl).  For lunch, I had about 3/4 cup of Lentil soup and a lite string cheese stick with a bottle of water.  For a mid-afternoon snack I had a couple ounces of roasted chicken (after discovering the middle of my apple was somehow brown and squishy), and for dinner a turkey burger and salad.  I didn't track my points, but it's a good start.

I plan to weigh in weekly on Mondays to ensure I do so at the same time of day each week before school.  I will do so only with my hair dry and in a T-shirt. ;) 

What technique or system do you use to keep you on track?