Friday, August 30, 2013

I'm baaaack.

I disappeared for a while, seeing how nobody was viewing this blog anyway. First, I found out that we would need to pay more than I paid for the NutriSystem food each month in health insurance premiums (ironic considering I'm trying to get healthy isn't it?) (and thanks Obamacare). At that point, I was getting tired of eating the same foods over and over again anyway.

I got a little cocky thinking I could combine NutriSystem and my old Weight Watchers plans and do it all on my own with my own food, but I couldn't continue to pay the plan fees and the new insurance premiums together. My insurance does not cover weight loss program fees. I did what I had planned for quite a while.

I also then underwent a medical procedure last fall that put my menopausal symptoms into overdrive. I was hardly getting any sleep, so I stayed up all night until the point of exhaustion when I was sure I would toss and turn less and not spend much time flat on my back unconsciously trying to cool off, which all exacerbates my degenerative back condition, but it happened anyway. In March, my back went into spasm and I was diagnosed with a sprained back. I looked like hell.  I went from hearing "You are really losing weight!" to "You have some serious bags under your eyes!"

At this point, I entered into that self-defeating place where I feel like I can't win for losing, that the universe is lined up against me, like I'm just treading water trying to keep my head above the water. Then I started drinking pop again on the run with the kids. When I started drinking the pop, I started skipping the meals again.

I tried some herbal supplements and remedies to deal with the hot flashes, but for some reason, it magnified them tenfold in intensity and frequency. I was miserable. I couldn't even put on make up because I could melt it off in a sweaty Freakin' instant. It actually became embarrassing enough that I avoided going out at all, quit volunteering at my son's school, etc. I was constantly lobster red and shiny. When you're heavy, that just looks plain bad, like you're about to have a heart attack.

I finally got an appointment, after calling for one months ago, and started a new treatment. I was very skeptical, but it's working. I'm day five in. My back is still very sensitive to certain movements and activities, so I have to remain ever aware of what I do until it heals to stay out of spasms. I'm sleeping better, feel like I'm tossing and turning less, and am definitely having fewer Flashes (only two, what I call, warm Flashes).

After a summer spent updating the house from hardwood floor refinishing to painting every room and what feels like eons of bickering, bored children (we didn't do anything with them during all this refinishing business and figured they'd live), and with school just around the corner, I'm feeling hopeful again that I can reenter the meal-planning phase for myself. I can wait to re-enter the workout phase for the physician's okay, but there is no reason to waste anymore time getting back to the weight loss in the interim.

I have at this point regained most of the weight I had lost over the last 10 months, sadly. This means I'm starting over, almost completely.  Not quite, but close enough.  Here I go!

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