Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Happy 2016 and I'm Now Freaking 46!

Hey there, ho there, hi there!  Things are still crazy over here, but I keep keepin' on.  I haven't gotten any Fatter, and as of right now I'd have to scan the blog to see if I maintained or gained a couple while I was away. 

When I scan my blog, I see I still haven't reached my goal weight a couple years later, so something has to give.  Granted, the "crazy" gets in my way and I still struggle with managing the crazy, but I am making a few changes.

For starters, I've come out of the other side of the Family drama after months of counseling and working it over and over and over in my head.  I *am* good enough.  If *you* don't like *me* just the way I am, then move the hell on.  Be gone with ya.  My life will be better without those of you in it.  *I* have done nothing wrong.  *I* can't make it better by myself, and the below meme is sooo, sooo true.  I'm the Fixer, so it is what ate at me the most.  I'm very analytical, so until I could process the situation in any and all possible ways--seen and unseen--and received the input from an objective party, I was bound to continue that and continue driving myself crazy.  But no more.  All done.  When a trained professional tells you you have emerged from a dysfunctional situation the healthiest, that she's never heard anything more irrational upon hearing them, then you have to accept that you are all set.  It's sad, it's  unfortunate, it's a crying shame--but I don't have to dwell on it and I don't have to wonder whether I am the person failing to grow.  My willingness to seek input as to how I may have been wrong proves I am still open for growth and will continue to grow.  That's important to me. I asked for words/advice to write down to remind myself, and she simply said, "There is nothing you can do." and "You did nothing wrong." and "It's their problem."  All set.  Whew.

Next up, I'm no longer going to Focus on Family-Friendly meals.  My youngest is 10 and my oldest 18.  I've announced that I am cooking for myself, period.  If Mr. F wants to accommodate the "picky," he may, but I will not.  The stress of making it my problem in my people-pleasing fashion means I burn out and give up far too easily.  No more.  If they eat what I make, great--if they don't, oh well.  Sunday night I made a garlic-cashew chicken dish, which only Mr. F and I have eaten.  Guess what?  We'll be eating it again tonight, which means three nights in a row, but less points calculating, less prep time, less kitchen time.  I don't feel stressed about how to work it in.

And the final change was identifying and addressing the things that get in my way that I've talked about previously.  My basement is better, but when the holidays came along, all of my stuff got stacked and hidden to make way for decorations and celebrations.  I'm now in the midst of resorting and organizing, but I'd say I'm halfway through. My kids get in the way. They want their friends to come over and hang out in the basement, which means I give them space to be kids but don't work on the basement, so there is now a no friends policy until it is done.  This do-it-all-yourselfer has to admit she can't' do it all herself.  They have to contribute in some way, if even in the way of a temporary sacrifice of their social lives on our turf.

Things will always be crazy here until there aren't any little voices making demands on me.  Right now, I need to get ready to take my daughter to a plastic surgeon because she was hit in the face last week and had her nose broken.  We'll see what he says, but the point of waiting 5 days was to let the swelling go down.  They don't reset noses in the ER like you see on TV apparently. lol  But, hey, the good news is the results of my eldest son's x-rays came in yesterday and his ankle isn't broken--only sprained.  (See?  Told ya it was crazy around here! lol)

Happy 2016!

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